| Stick to one topic at a time |
Changing topics is a good way to avoid responsibility and get angry about lots of issues but not a good way to solve problems |
| Listen to the other person! |
Just this one idea can make the world of difference. Lots of anger is generated by the fustration of not being listened to. When we listen to someone we often earn the right to be listened to. If we don't listen how can we understand? |
| Be creative with possible solutions |
Accept all ideas as possible solutions to begin with. Then try to put together a package that meets all needs if possible. |
| Agree with the other person as often as possible |
This helps us to feel listened to. Sometimes we need to agree that we are or were wrong. |
| Be solution focused not problem focused |
Is the fight just about revenge and venting anger or about solving a problem? Revenge and anger just make things worse. Solutions make things better |
| Stay calm |
Take a time out if either party is angry |
| Don't bring up the past |
Bringing up issues from the past only adds more negative emotions. The past can't be changed but the future can be improved. |
| Don't exaggerate |
You never clean up your room. You always do it wrong. Statements like this often are not really accurate and they make us angry. |
| No name calling |
This is often very hurtful. |
| No blaming |
This is not very helpful and often produces anger. |
| Don't yell |
This creates lots of hurt and anger |
| No ultimatums |
Only make ultimatums if you really mean them. Often the cause of serious breakdowns. |
| Don't make excuses. |
This creates anger and frustration |
| Don't criticise |
This creates anger and frustration |
| Don't threaten |
This creates anger and fear. |
| Use positive body language and non-verbals |
Much of the problems when we fight or argue are caused by our body language and non-verbals. be aware of what you are saying through these channels. |